biglezshowfandomcom-20200215-history
Lezlie Mackerel
"Fuck off Clarence" : -Big Lez Lezlie Mackerel, also known as "Big Lez" or "Lez", is the main protagonist in The Big Lez Show. Kingdom Cum Lezlie was born on Kingdom Cum, a far off planet where its inhabitants exhibit super strength and extended life expectancies. Lezlie, along with his brother Norton Sparkles, both lived in Horizon's End city. It is unknown who Lezlie's mother is. There came a time where Lezlie's dad, King Larinox, wanted to step down and allow one of his sons to take his place. Lezlie and Norton both celebrated this occasion. To sabotage Lezlie's chances of becoming king, Norton spiked his alcoholic drink with an unknown substance. Unfortunately, Lezlie had the same idea, and spiked his brother's drink as well. While they were under the influence of the drug, they went on a rampage and destroyed Horizon's End city, and in doing so, their father banished them from the planet (Lez is seen giving his father 'the bird' as they blast off) and sent them drifting in space and time forever, never to return. Season 1 Brown Town, Australia After an unknown amount of time, Lez and Norton's space pod crash landed in Australia. After the landing, both Lez and Norton parted ways to begin a new life but they ended up living in the same street across the road from each other. Somehow, Lez got a job and earnt enough money to buy a house. Roughly 10 years ago present time, Lez was startled by a baby, screaming on his doorstep. Lez took in the baby as his own and named him Quinten. Lez later reveals to Quinten he only adopted him so he could get child support money and then tells to Quinten that he spent the child support money on making a spaceship to travel back to Kingdom Cum to face his father. The Flowers Lez is seen observing his brother Norton grow flowers in his front yard on the other side of the street. Lez taunts his brother, resulting in him going inside and saying: "Fuck you!" Clearly angered by his brothers outrageous behaviour, he runs them over with his mower. Some time later, Lez is chatting to his friend Sassy about how he "fucked up Norton's flowers. Sassy calls him a "fucken druggo" Moments later, Lez's son Quinton tells him he has a phone call. The caller is Norton, saying he saw the destruction of his flowers on his CCTV cameras. Lez denies this, then Norton proceeds in telling him he will have his revenge. The Volcano bong TBA Lez and Norton start doing dirty trick on each other, which started when Lez wrecked Norton's flowers and said Norton couldn't grow a dick if he tried and that he is so shit, which prompts Norton to take a crap in his mailbox. Lez then has his mailbox replaced by Mike Nolan and chucks his old mailbox at Norton's window, smashing it. Lez then laughs and says "suck shit" (Sassy says "Haw, you druggo") and "fuckin teach him to shit in my mailbox." Norton and Lez do more dirty trick on each other, eventually this leads them to fight and causes Lez and Norton to reveal their origins and that they are brothers to Quinten after Lez smashed into Norton with Norton's car and then smashed into Lez's garage causing a massive explosion and they are unharmed. Choomah Island Lez is asked by Sassy if he want's to ride around the pacific ocean with himself and Donny in a red plane they 'found outside a Coles' which Lez replies by saying "fuck yeah". During the plane ride a choomah jumps onto the plane and wrecks the plane causing it to split in half and crashes on the island they were flying over at the time, making Lez, Sassy and Donny stranded on the Island. Lez stays on the beach for several hours waiting for Sassy and Donny to rescue him. He tries to start a fire on the beach but it goes out and he then hears music in the distance. Lez later finds Sassy and Donny who have made a camp site, drinking beer and listening to a radio which pisses Lez off because they didn't look for him after they crashed on the island and don't realise how bad the situation is. Lez is then separated from Sassy and Donny when they are chased by a massive choomah. Lez takes refuge in the wrecked plane where he meets the 'vomit guy' and sees him beaten up and 'killed' by the choomah. Lez stays in the plane until the next morning. Lez is then ambushed by a group of choomah's and is rescued by Mike Nolan (who uses a shotgun to kill all the choomahs) who is revealed to be alive after being missing for 2 weeks under unknown circumstances. Nolezy then shows Lez his camp site on top of the hill and gives a shot-gun called 'Doris' to Lez. Lez gets separated from Nolezy after he is once again ambushed by a choomah and then punched several times, he then fights back by ripping the choomah's face off, killing the choomah. Another choomah attacks him but he ninja-kicks it off the hill causing it to fall to it's death. Several more choomah's attack Lez but he fight back by blowing up their faces with the shotgun Nolezy gave him and until he is attacked by a beelike-choomah called Bumblebrutus, who impales Lez in the shoulder with his bee-like sting and tells Lez he is not leaving this island. Lez stalls him long enough (by asking him how does he know him and if he is going to kill him) to grab the shotgun and blow both of his eyes, left shoulder and sting off. Lez then says "I can leave this Island whenever the fuck I want you yellow piece of shit" before shooting Bumblebrutus in the face, kiling him and then says "Good Riddance". Lez spots another choomah staring at him and asks "the fuck are you staring at?" the choomah responds by screaming until Lez blows up his face with the shotgun. Unfortunatly he runs out of ammo and more choomah's arrive making him retreat. They all escape in Clarence's tinny when Clarence arrives for an unknown reason. Lez runs out of the jungle with the choomah's chasing him he then beckoning them to get in the boat. Clarence then asks what Lez is doing here which Lez greets him by saying "fuck off Clarence" and decks him. Lez then uses Clarence's tinny to escape the island with Sassy, Donny and Nolezy, Clarence is left on the island with the choomah's and is presumed dead. As the boat drives away from the Island Sassy asks if Clarence will be alright, Lez lies and says he'll be fine (obviously Clarence won't be alright). Lez then asks Nolezy if he could help him with a project he is working on (the spaceship) which Nolezy accepts. Season 2 Lezlie went to the pokies with Mike Nolan to get the money to repair and buy fuel for the spaceship but has no luck at first, While trying to find a 'better machine' he meets up with Sassy and Donny. Sassy forces him to use the rest of his money, but luckily he wins $100,000,000 which is more than enough to pay for his spaceship. After a confrontation over Norton's birthday party, which results in Lez breaking into Norton's house, smashing it up, then taking a shit on Norton's cake and giving Norton 'birthday punches' causes Lez to be arrested for assault, and falsely accused of murdering a sack of cute puppys. Lez is scentenced to prison for life. Lez then begins to plan his revenge against Norton. In the prison during a meal time Lez bitterly says "Can't wait to get the fuck out of here first thing i'm going to do is shave Norton's head and feed him to a very, very hungry cat." Sassy replies by saying "why don't you just feed him to Scruffy he always has the fuckin munchies". After finding out that Sassy's Crew (minus Donny who avoided arrest), Ellis's (Warning Guy) cousin, Sergio and Clarence (who miraculously survived the choomah's and to Lez's displeasure by saying "yuck what the fuck I thought you died") are in the prison, Sergio tells Lez he needs his help to exterminate 'the fuckin cunts' (choomah's) Lez replies by saying "alright so when do we start?" and then a large Choomah smashes through the prison wall (Lez, Sassy, Sergio and Clarence look at it in surprise) and screams. Lez, Sassy's crew, Sergio and Clarence escape the prison in a truck driven by Warning Guy where they travel to the volcano bong where Lez's spacship is and Donny and Nolezy have made the repairs to the spaceship while they were in prison. But the spaceship still doesn't have fuel but when Sassy drops his trippa snippa in the fuel tank it causes a chemical reaction making it a power source for the spaceship. Lezlie then begins a voyage in his spaceship on the way to Kingdom Cum, along with Donny, Sassy and Ellis Warning Guy Warrnington (minus Nolezy, who was supposed to go but stayed back to hit the volcano bong instead). Upon arriving, they realise that it has been destroyed and they head back for Earth. A choomah then attacks and wrecks the spaceship causing it to crash land. After they crash land, Lezlie and Ellis fight the Choomahs. Lez is then grabbed by a Choomahdactyl and is dropped on a building. He then meets the leader of the choomah's, Cecil the Sasquatch. Cecil reveals that he has attacked Brown Town because he wants revenge for the murder of Bumblebrutus (who was his best friend and Lez killed Bumblebrutus when he was on Choomah Island) which Lez replies "yep, shot him in the fuckin face". Extremely angry, Cecil throws Lezlie off the building. Lezlie somehow manages to land on a Choomahdactyl, and using the Choomahdactyl he smashes Cecil off the building, Cecil falls from the building, smashes through a glass roof and is then body-slammed by Lez down several floors into the sewers. After losing Cecil, Lez meets up with the rest of the crew, whom are trying to get to the roof of the pink building. After seeing trails of sewerage leading up some stairs, Lez is horrified and surprised to see King Larinox with Cecil, who is screaming at Lez that Cecil is the next heir to the throne of Kingdom Cum. After a brief conversation, King Larinnox escapes with Cecil in a large spaceship. Lez, Sassy, Donny, Wayn-O, Scruffy, Owly, Warning Guy and Sergio are rescued by Mike Nolan (in a helicopter) and return home. After returning from the Battle of Brown Town, Lez confronts Norton and knocks him out with a punch to the face in revenge of getting sent to prison on false charges and taking Quinten away from him. Lez then takes Quinten back into his custody. Lez then says to Quinten that even though he is really hard on him he really cares about him as well. Lez then tells Quinten that there is a surprise in his room, Quinten then finds out that Lez bought him an Xbox, which Quinten is overjoyed to see. Afterwards Lez is then found chilling on his front lawn with Sassy. Season 3 ''' After an unknown amount of time, Lez spots Sassy and his crew installing the GammaMax 2063 V2.0 Platinum Edition on the roof of the sasquatches house. In episode 4 Lez goes to the movie cinemas with Sassy after eating some 'hesh cookies' (maijuana cookies). But is then informed by Donny that he mixed up the bags and they accidentally got Wayn-O's bag of heroeine cookies instead. Lez starts tripping out and having weird dreams of Norton and Warning guy yelling at him and then a choomah screaming at him. Lez then starts screaming but he then has another dream where he is back on choomah island and Sassy is beckoning him to come up the hill but he is then surrounded and overwhelmed by choomah's who scream at him again. Lez then wakes up but Sassy suddenly grabs him and it is a choomah's face with Sassy's body and Lez screams again obviously still tripping. In episode 5 Quinten asks Lez what he does with the rest of the money he won at the pokies and said he found a receipt for 'glenndoll accesories' which Lez snatches away immediately, obviously hiding something. Quinten later sneaks in to Lez's basement and sees Lez working on a unknown thing. Lez spots him and tells him to "get the fuck out".In Episode 6 Lez talks with Clarence who is saying they have to go back to choomah island and destroy the nest because there has been more numerous sighting of choomah's lately (which Sassy confirms in episode 7) and they will invade Brown Town again. Lez says he'll think about it and tells Clarence to "get the fuck off my lawn". Lez then smoks some marijuana with Quinten and the Saquatches in his storage room. In episode 7 Lez is told by Sassy that word on the street that there has been mass sighting of choomahs in Brown Town lately, Lez then confronts Norton and asks who he is working for and he confesses that he is working for King Larrinox and that he has something 'big' planned ahead. In episode 8 Lez's reveals to Sassy, Donny and Mike Nolan the thing he was working on in the basement was a action figure place called "Glennworld" but continues to keep it a secret from Quinten. Later Sassy and Donny ask Lez that they should go another crazy adventure. Lez is reluctant at first but is eventually persuaded by Sassy, Donny and Mike Nolan to go back to Choomah Island and kill some Choomah's. But first he has to find Clarence get some more info on the island and figure out the grand plan before they go back to the island. Lez then goes to talk to Clarence again and tells him that everyone is keen to go back to choomah island. Clarence then reveals how he became a 'Potatohead' and the origins of the choomah's to him. He then tells Clarence to meet him at his house at 0600 hours tomorrow. After Donny appears and makes Clarence do some 'jobs' for him. Lez then asks Donny to get him a 'gooch gun' so he can kill Norton with it, Donny says "alright mate". Lez then grins broadly. '''Choomah Island 2 Lez, Sassy's crew, Mike Nolan and Clarence go back to choomah island to take down the choomah's once and for all. Lez stands in the bathroom taking himself up, he then punches the mirror and smashes the bathroom mirror as a result and Quinten comes and asks him what the hell is going on. Lez says he going on a mission with 'the boys' and blow shit up. Donny then knock on Lez's door and says everyone is ready to go. Donny then takes Lez over to the dock where Wayn-O, Sassy, Owly, Scruffy, Nolezy and Clarence are waiting for him in a massive green army like plane. Lez then jokingly asks Donny if they found this plane outside a Woolworths. Donny then tells him that they stole the plane from a high tech military base from the coast of Porterica. Sassy then greets Lez. Lez then asks who is piloting the plane, Donny then says it is Warning Guy and Sergio are. Clarence then asks if they could leave now since they are on a tight schedule, Lez then tells Clarence to fuck off and asks why Clarence is coming. Lez, Sassy's Crew, Clarence, Nolezy and the Warrnington's then leaves for Choomah Island. During the plane ride Lez says "fuck yeah i'm so fuckin keen for this." Sassy then asks if anyone brung sunscreen, Donny then says he's got some. Lez then explains when you are on the island and see a choomah, picture their face as someone you really hate, for example, Norton. Sassy then asks Lez why he hates Norton so much. Lez then says that Norton is a just such a "Gay Cunt" and hates his guts. Donny then asks if Lez has a problem with gay people and Lez says no, Donny then asks if Norton is gay and Lez says no to everyone's surprise. Donny then gives the crew some bucket hats to wear when their doing 'skits shit'. Lez then says he's gonna use a shotgun to kill choomah's, Clarence then says they shouldn't anger them with weapons when he is interrupted by Lez and told to shut the fuck up and that the only reason he is coming on the mission is to direct them to the hive and it is his fault that choomahs exist and that he is sick of hearing his voice. Clarence then shuts up. Lez, Sassy, Clarence, Wayn-O, Scruffy, Nolezy and Donny parachute out of the plane onto the island and land safely. During the flight down the crew are spotted by Cecil, who is revealed to be still alive and says "oh fuck, not these motherfuckers again, fuckin hell gotta do something about it". After they land Lez says "that was fuckin sick". After the rest of the crew land Lez says that best idea is to head north. Sassy then says sounds like a plan, Sassy then gives Lez a joint and says if Lez is ever lost then smoke the joint and they will find him. Clarence then says they should head west where the hive is. Lez then tells Clarence if he says another word he will push him down the hole himself when they get to the hole, Clarence then shuts up again. They then find some 'blue meanies' (magic mushrooms) and eat them. Lez and the crew start tripping out. While tripping Lez lies down with Nolezy and they talk about dreams they had. While still tripping out Lez 'sees' a star fall on the island and as a result he gets lost and separated from the rest of the crew. While Lez wanders through the jungle he hears choomah screams and gets ambushed by a choomah but he manages to to shoot it dead, he then says "What the fuck is that? Nah, fuck this cunt i'm fuckin outta here" and starts running through the jungle. While taking a dump Lez spots another choomah and tries to sneak up on it but another choomah comes out a bush and screams at him. Lez then grabs it's face and kicks it several times and then shoots it in the mouth, killing it. He is then grabbed by another choomah and shoved against a tree but he manages to snap off a tree branch and stab it in the eye and then shoots it in the face and runs out of the jungle. Lez then smokes the joint Sassy gave him and then has another trip out showing him how he is created (drawn on paint) and then sees Sassy on a hill playing a guitar. Sassy asks what Lez why he ran into the jungle. Sassy then asks desirers most in life, Lez says that his most desire is to kill Norton, Sassy why he wants to, Lez says that Norton is just a thorn in his side and just wants him dead. Sassy then gives Lez some valuable life lesson, tells him of his origins (he was drawn from paint program) and has to make his own decision. Lez then spots Norton with his spaceship and says "Norton! I fuckin told if I found you here cunt I said I'll fuckin kill you cunt, i'll rip your throat out cunt" Lez then starts shooting at Norton and chases him. Lez then corners Norton on a cliff. Lez asks if Norton has any last words. Norton says he cannot kill him. Lez then asks for one reason why he shouldn't push him off the cliff and demands Norton tell him the absolute truth about what he is doing on this island. Norton then says that he has been working with their father and that a scientist (Clarence) was working on a serum to create super soldiers around the time they got banished, he instead created the choomahs. The choomah's then got out of hand and destroyed Kingdom Cum the day after they were banished and were only 6 survivors. Norton says he is on this island to capture the choomah because Larrinox wants to use them as weapons, he also wants to replace Brown town's policemen with cyborgs. Norton tries to get Lez to join them but Lez refuses saying he would be Norton if he made all the bad choices (Norton secretly pulls out a knife). Norton walks over to Lez and hugs him. Just as Norton is about to stab him Lez pulls out a hidden gun and shoots Norton in the stomach. Norton falls his knees and says "fuck you" before being shot by Lez another 6 times, Lez then points the gun to Norton's head and says "good night" before finally shooting Norton in the head, killing him. Lez then runs into Warning Guy and Sergio after the plane crashed and they asked what happened and that they need to get off this island now. Lez then pushes Norton's dead body off the cliff where his body is impaled by the sharp rocks. Lez, Warning guy and Sergio (along with a captured 'nuggets creature' and a dead Cecil, who Warning guy killed earlier by slitting his throat) then use Norton's spaceship to escape the island where the meet up with the rest of the crew (who are in a helicopter piloted by the 'vomit guy'). Suddenly the island starts to rise out of the water and is revealed to be one giant choomah.The choomah then grabs the spaceship with it's hand trapping Lez, Warning Guy and Sergio. Lez tries to shot at it but it doesn't do any good, The choomah then chucks the spaceship with Warning guy and Sergio but Lez jumps onto the choomah and still tries to shoot it. Suddenly the massive choomah blows up (thanks to Clarence and the sas gas stove Sassy created). Luckily Lez managed to jump to safety and body surfs his way back to shore where the rest of the crew are. They then ask Lez where he wandered off to. Lez tells them about paint but to his suprise they all knew since they always 'break the fourth wall'. Warning Guy then tells Lez he'll give Lez the spaceship tomorrow. Lez and the crew return home. Lez then tells Sassy that he killed Norton, Sassy how did it go and tells Lez he didn't need to kill Norton as he would have died anyway two weeks later. Lez then tells Sassy that King Larrinox is his next target. Sassy then tells him he'll need a crew and whats gonna happen now? Lez then says whatever comes next. Sassy then calls him a "drug sniffing cunt, nah just kidding." After that Lez continues to relax on his front yard. Appearance and Behaviour. Lez is usually wearing a pink singlet, glasses, blue shorts and shoes and has the same laid-back personality as the Sasquatches and Nolezy. He is overweight but has muscle definition in his arms. He often keen to hang out (or go on a adventure) with The Sasquatches, Owly and Nolan. He is quite vulgar as he constantly swears and makes hurtful comments towards Norton, Clarence and pretty much everyone with the exception of Nolan, Warning Guy and Sergio. He is short tempered and has a taste for violence, evident from his assaults on Norton and encounter with a "chav" outside a nightclub. Abilities Despite him being overweight, Lez is very capable physically thanks to his Kingdom Cummian physiology. He has superhuman strength and endurance, we can see this from whenever he survived a explosion and was able to lift and throw Norton a distance. He also has some fighting skill as he was able to dodge BumbleBrutus' attack but is not as good or as strong as Warning Guy.